I was dragged kicking and screaming to the edge of the abyss, forced to peer down its uninviting hollow and slowly but surely allowed to inch away. New experiences baffle you because they alienate you from everything you know. When you go through something new, whether its good, bad or ugly, its more challenging than going through a similar experience because your mind’s in a state of relative shock about this strange new incident.
What am I supposed to do with this information? How do I process it? Where does it belong in my consciousness? Will it now impact everything I say, do, feel, think? My God, what is this tragedy that’s unfolding itself in front of mine own eyes!
The abyss holds tight its audience in me. I get the wonderful option of peering down its black hole and being emptied of all pretence, being reminded of my real worth in this world, my (in)significance.
We need our ego to cushion the fall. Any semblance of recovery quickly lends itself to heroic scoffing. I create a space between the darkness and myself. From this safe distance I mock the abyss. You thought you had me. But you don’t. Them in there, that’ll never be me. Ha.
A little bit of crazy now and again is a good thing. It purges you of the evil of Arrogance. In the least it cements a yo-yo relationship between your need to be viewed as Normal and the importance of refuting all claims to Normalcy. Normal makes no room for insanity and I’ve got Valued Customer status at my abyss.
But at least overrating something allows a greater albeit, over blown appreciation of it. When you find yourself humming along to the tune of a predictable routine, you begin to appreciate the luxury of unclenching. When the constitution of normal is continually revisited, you disregard pleasantries, do away with “acceptable” and push aside the fear of disapproval. You become who you need to be to get by.
Normal may convey boring. But boring is required in order to maintain a little sanity.