Mozaffar always comes up with some. Here he’s compiled a series of posts on Marital Pitfalls. You should go read them. Its the closest thing to a guide book.
Conversely, you can click on his blog and select the Marriage category.
In the Bollywood films, you also have the crazy, insane wedding. Half of India is dancing and singing. The milky-white bride is the most beautiful woman on the planet. The varied-complexioned husband with the stylish Mullet is even more beautiful. And, boy can they both dance. In America, that’s a $50,000 wedding.
So, already we have these two MSA grads, whose minds are corrupted. On one end, there are the wonderful ideals (even going so far as to quote Hadith). On the other end, there is the corruption about notions of romantic love.
But, we have an additional force that is a combination of ideals and a combination of biology: the drive for sex.
In terms of ideals, we have a population of kids who grew up in a society where marketing is geared around the sex drive. Even advertising for headache medicine relies on the sex drive.
On top of that, this population of kids grew up in school systems in which it became progressively more and more common place for all of their friends to not only date, but to be sexually active — so much so, that it’s a norm, just like drinking (alcohol).
But, (not all, but many of) these nice MSA kids were separated from all of that. The programming to have sex is there, and soon, so is the appetite.
Further, I start laughing when, in my Qur’an studies, I ask the young single people what the ayahs mentioning that the husband and wife are garments for each other means? Inevitably, the young guys — in nice, proper MSA language — make allusions to the fact that in marriage, the spouses engage in wonderful unending intimate relations. The guys who are married, and have been married for a while, mention platonic stuff, like: your clothes beautify you (and so does your spouse, and vice versa).
Now, where does that bring us: we have two people talking to each other in very, very idealistic terms about getting married (and to some degree, they definitely should). But, many of these ideals are heavily corrupted.”