Marriage: When Everyone Else Wants You To…


  • Uncles and Aunties keep asking you when you’re going to Pakistan next. If you’re ethnic, you’ll know that this is code for “So, when are you getting married?”
    Logic: When you go to pakistan, you’ll get married. Everyone does. You go there and bam! that’s when it happens. *shudder*
  • During 2 separate and spaced out consultations with a Female GP she inquires after your marital status. One of her enquiries went as follows: “So, you’re <insert my age>?” – Yes

    “…and still living at home” – Thank you, you’re Indian, you shouldn’t be asking me this!

    “Not married?” – An embarassed…err, No…

    “Don’t you want to get married? Not interested in anyone?” — At this point I want to cry, and I think my eyes are tearing?

    “Then why are you wearing that ring on your finger? You’re discouraging all the boys you know…” There are no boys! Trust me! No one cares about the ring!

    (Strangely enough I was asked this question by one of the Policemen I used to work with. Except he set the scene in a bar, ie, if you were sitting at a bar having a drink with your friends, and some guy saw you and wanted to talk to you, he’d see that you were wearing a ring and therefore never appraoch you — The assumptions in this situation notwithstanding, its apparent that I’m not doing myself any favours by wearing jewellery.)

    “Its good, you should get married. Its good to have a man around, they can lift heavy things” – Laughing out loud, a little bit at her but mostly at the situation. Only I will get these kinds of comments when I’m there to discuss serious health concerns.

  • We’d recently moved buildings and on my way to fill up my water bottle, I passed the boss’s secretary who started to tell me about her trip to Brunei. On her 3 or 4 day stay there, she met some locals (hijabi) women who bragged about their casino going adventures. She had us hijabis sussed out. We’re just a CRAZY bunch!Casual, fun sort of conversation, I walked away giggling.Weekend passes and I’m walking past her desk again. She stops me to tell me about her weekend during which she went to a particular suburb where she saw a lot of Muslim people, specifically a lot of Muslim men. She goes on to tell me that she scoped out some of the Muslim men and contemplated approaching them (for me ofcourse). Obviously at this point I’m losing my mind laughing. Everyone can hear us.She continues on to inform me that she knows a number of lovely Italian men, and asks if they have to be Muslim for me to consider them. I tell her Yes, they do. This conversation takes place right outside the boss’s office, in an open plan office.
  • Random kids on forums start a joke that they need to find me a husband, all without me every broaching the topic.
  • Your parents seriously consider moving into a smaller (3×2 house) because they’re hoping you’re going to be married by the end of the year. I call this the “No Prisoners” approach. Reminds me of the time this guy on Oprah told everyone who was trying to lose weight to get rid of all their fat clothes so they have no way out BUT to loose all the weight.

8 thoughts on “Marriage: When Everyone Else Wants You To…

  1. I thought my parents were the only ones who wanted to move into a smaller home based on “This way they will all have no choice but to get married…”

  2. I can sympathize with many of the things that you have mentioned. My experience is that its its just plain weird when all of a sudden family, relatives, friends and in one case even a Professor wants you to think about ‘it’ but I want to avoid it, the end result – hilarity ensures. By the way, the ‘rishta’ aunty’s can be quite annoying.

  3. “There are no boys! Trust me! No one cares about the ring!” – haha! too good.

    I know some girls who deliberately put on weight to discourage their parents. Very bad tactic though.

    As an aside, it’s interesting why it’s always the women who have to mark themselves as “married” and therefore (supposedly) off limits. Either they put on a sindoor, or wear a ring, or add a ‘Mrs’ to their name, and so on. But anyways, that makes the job easier for us guys.

    Although I think there MUST be a rule to somehow distinguish girls that already has a boyfriend. Please think of something.

  4. Haleem: Why not just ask the girl? or her friends? Trust me we prefer it if the guy comes and talks to us rather than trying to have a conversation from the other side of the room – we’re not telepathic people!

    From my experiences, not much stops men from flirting. the number of men who will flirt wtih you and just never mention that they’re married is only increasing in my experience.

    Btw, the ring doesn’t discourage the losers. One day I was crossing the street and it was drizzling, as I crossed the street, this indian guy ran past (crossing the other way) saying “bheeg gaye” (we’re getting rained on!) and I smiled.

    I had my head phones on (underneath my scarf) and continued to where I needed to go, enjoying myself in the slight drizzle with music playing into my ears. After a short distance, I felt like someone was running behind me, so i moved to the side to let them go… but the running slowed down next to me… and i felt like someone was trying to talk to me. (ok…?)

    I slowly turned to find the man i’d crossed at the lights trying to talk to me. He was asking me if i knew someone who works somewhere. I didn’t pause my mp3 player and said no and tried to walk on but he kept asking so i had to pause my music and take it one earplug out of my ear (yes, from underneath my scarf!). During all this time, its raining btw and his glasses are fogging up and being rained on.

    so i said no i don’t know who you’re tlaking about, and i tried to leave, then he stopped me by saying, and I know Leibniz will enjoy this: “Do you want to be my friend”

    I pracitcally screamed: “no I dont want to be your friend!” and walked off… so you see… the dickheads never care.

    Putting on weight to discourage the parents? No way! Anyway, that wouldn’t discourage mine. If there was someone they really wanted me to consider then fine, but I mean this crazy pressure… and useless conversations about marriage… I don’t get the purpose?

    Suroor, Maliha: mwah

    ruby: you’ve found a friend πŸ™‚

    Leibniz: I must be very blessed on top of everything to not have been confronted with rishta aunties. I know what you’re thinking, what sort of remote village do i live in, right? πŸ™‚

    also, Haleem: I have issues with the whole distinction that women have to make if they get married, reason why i’m not changing my surname when I get married, there’s nothing islamic about it anyway.

    To all the newbies: Welcome πŸ™‚

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