I think I’m over the concept of getting to know someone before I marry them.
If I’ve met them a couple of times, we’ve talked a few times, I like him and I know what I need to know about him, then let’s just do it. And once we decide this, let’s not have a relationship till after we get married. Some people don’t think getting to know a person is a relationship, but I’d argue that it is. Developing an emotional attachment, which brings with it expectation and hope, is a relationship. It doesn’t have to be mutual. Guys get over things in a different way and if they can’t they’re a lot better at masking it. They can turn cold, and just disappear off the radar. Girls can’t really do that.
You’re never going to get to a point where you feel you know enough about your future partner. You’re always going to want to know more!
Don’t send me flowers, don’t write me little love notes/emails, don’t send me little love greetings, emails or messages. Don’t give me pet names. And please, whatever you do, don’t be cute. Cuteness has to date killed more people than all the diseases, plagues and wars combined. We can get closer, closer to the date of our nuptials.
There are a number of things that are important to me – in the context of a marriage/meeting a person and giving them a clear picture of me.
1- My family
They’re a big part of my life. We’re the sort that huddle around the new lamp and discuss it at length. Its important you get to know these people. They’re going to be the ones calling up a hundred times a day to mention insignificant facts and asking after the minutiae of my life. They’ll ask you about yours too.
2- My take on family
They’re important. You need to respect mine, as messed up as you may think they are. I’m a part of them and a product of them. I come from them and getting to know them will paint you a very pretty picture of who I am. Further, your family’s important. If you don’t get along with them, you probably want to fix that, quick smart. I don’t want to end up in a marriage where my husband isn’t close to his family. You can get too close but not close at all, no thanks! The reason for this is that I want to be close to my husband’s family. I want it to be like my existing family. If you’re fighting your family to marry me, please don’t. No one has more rights over you than your parents and I will not take away their privilege to determine who they want as their daughter in law. I want them to respect me and cherish me and want me to be a part of their lives. So force feeding is not going to work. There are other ways to go about this but that’s what you (future hubby) have to figure out.
When I start my own family, these are going to be significant considerations. I plan on raising my kids to submit completely to their faith and respect their parents and family. I want them to grow up as part of a larger family such that they realise the responsibilities they have while being rightly guided by their support network.
3- My take on life
I want to achieve something in my life. I believe that there is something greater than the sum of you, me and our family and I’d like to work constructively to chip away at the fabric of society so we can set the wheels in motion for a world we’d rather have our children reside in. I’m passionate about community work and am concerned by its decline. Your life is what you make it, I’m a strong believer in that.
If you’re a whinger and have a lot of issues in your life, go deal with them and give me the number of your friend whose got his shit sorted. I’m more than happy to make the first move.
4- What I need from you
Are you proud to be you?
How many past relationships have you had?
How many female friends do you have?
If you’re on facebook do a lot of hotties link up to you? (i’m petty)
Are you a whinger? If so, bye bye.
Do you have bizarre ideas about women and the home and education?
Will you die if you find out I lived alone for two years (with my sisters) and then in defiance left home for 2 weeks?
This list is a bit longer but you get my drift.
There. Now you know.