Shot Gun: BANG!

Here’s a list of exclamations I’d relish the opportunity to explode with at work. Numbering does not indicate order of preference of frustration.

1. My God! Is there a word limit you need to hit everyday? If so, does it increase exponentially based on the seconds you’ve spent on this Earth?!

2. Oh I see, you’re operating under the misguided assumption that obnoxious is the new cute. Well, here’s a statement of fact taht should quel any further intrusion into reality.

It’s not.

3. One of two things is going on here –  you think I’m a total idiot, which is why you’re speaking to me the way you are. OR you are bursting with the quality yourself.

4. So, at age twelve, your parents continued to love and care for you? You’re telling me being thrown out on the street was not an option they considered?

5. On which planet do you have friends?

6. Back! Get back rodent!

7. Please don’t mistake my politeness for friendliness. The thought of extending my association with you beyond the captivity of working hours is both vomit worthy and ludicrous.

8. Now watch carefully Smithy, I’m about to demonstrate what a personality looks like.

9. You can raise your eyebrows till they’re off your face, I’m still not going to know what you want me to know. I’ll need you to use your words.

And last but not least…

10. F*** Off!


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