Not the Belbin Team Role Profiles

Having recently enrolled in an MBA program, I had to take the Belbin Team Role Questionnaire to figure out my role in team situations.

I offered the questionnaire to fellow task group members. While conversations were happening around me it suddenly occurred to me that I should define my own team personality profiles.

Soon as the thought hit my head, I put fingers to the keyboard and came up with the following:

1. the guy whose too busy to do actual work – normally seen gas bagging and joking around the whole day. You can be sure to hear his annoying tones all day at the work place. But be careful, soon as you give him something constructive to do, he’s going to tell you he’s very busy.
2. the know nothing know it all – another averter of workload. Has arguments for anything anyone has to say. Loves to talk and pick on ppl’s view points. Gets very little work done but appears to be constantly busy researching new ways of shutting down ppl’s ideas. Does not actually positively contribute to the problem solving process.
3. the moron – no body likes to talk to this guy coz whenever they do, they’re received with some obnoxious malfunction of a mouth
4. the undiagnosed paranoid schizophrenic – doesn’t matter whose talking about what. they’re either comatose or hyper coz they’re not sure what’s going on and how much they need to overreact about the perceived level of work being created for them by a simple user request. They sigh a lot.
5. the lump – we’re not sure if this guy’s alive. He’s got a bit of mould on him. But there might also be a heartbeat?
6. the psychopath – psychotic atomic type of energy in a human form. No body likes this guy. He’s annoyingly excitable.
7. the whinger – complains about anything. This guy could complain about the way moss is growing on lump guy because he thinks its strange that the moss would grow out to be that colour and start from that particular body part when in other parts of the world its totally different and the government is to blame.
8. the loser – self explanatory
9. the goldfish – with a 3 second memory this guy refuses to acknowledge or learn from their mistakes. Repetition of instructions for predefined procedures only serves the purpose of infuriating the instructor and making a mockery of the education process. For whatever reason, they never seem to get fired.
10. stalin – control freak who gets heart palpitations due to his continued nit picking over know nothing know it all’s performance. This is the manager who doesn’t want details but needs to be kept up to date every minute of the day with goings on in the workplace. Updates should preferably include what’s going on in the surrounding buildings as well.
11. the incompetent burnt chop syndrome lady – seemingly deliriously hardworking. The kind of long hours that only come about due to inefficiencies in her work practices and a persistent failure to follow predefined procedure. akin to the goldfish, lady burnt chop refuses to follow predefined procedures and has a strong empathy toward her amnesiac colleague. Together they form a formidable team.

That’s all for now. Feel free to supplement this list with your role definitions 🙂

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