Marriage Part 10: Falling in Love

Why would you do it?

Really.

It doesn’t work.

You meet someone, you like each other, you realise this is the person you’ve been waiting for this whole time. Being a good Muslim boy/girl you approach your parents to make it all legit. That is pretty much where the trouble starts.

Sometimes you may know your parents will have some issue with your choice. They can take issue with anything. The way you met this person, the way you have gone about it, their family, the person themselves, you, your education, where you are in life. The list goes on.

In the more fortunate incidences, parents from both sides take issue, resolve issues (or don’t) but eventually agree to the (un)happy union. Some families build a bridge and move on while others don’t. This is still a somewhat desirable outcome for the love lorn couple.

The other very real and very frequent consequence for the love struck couple is significantly more tragic.

Families take a hard strong stance against their union or there are always circumstances going against them. Call it our selfish inner self (nafs) or call it persistence, or call it Love, either way, these people never give up. Eventually they are both unhappy in their individual circumstances because they cannot be with each other. This is truly tragic and in what culture or circle of people would anyone encourage this type of behaviour? Out of their loyalty and respect to their families they have both decided to take the higher road, but at what cost?

Something to consider when you next decide to “fall in love”.

Marriage is about a lot more than just the 2 in question but these two literally define the way their marriage will run from the day they tie the knot. So, it is important to take stock and really ask yourself, can I do this? What am I willing to give up and what do I hope to gain?

Hard questions. Frequently people delude themselves by ignoring these hard questions or they tell themselves lies about a future reality. Mostly this ends up in tears and the object of your affection becomes the very person you start to blame for “ruining your life”.

Strong words. Strong feelings. Strong reactions.

And what is the gain?

 

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5 thoughts on “Marriage Part 10: Falling in Love

  1. If parents and children understand each other & there’s trust on both sides, then parents will know their children will bring home someone the family is happy with too.

    I’d get to know someone (not dating just talking seriously) & if I see it going somewhere, I’d then tell my parents, have him meet them.

  2. and if they dont like him because suddenly there is a criteria you never knew existed… then?

    keep in mind he’s a great guy… Great Guy.

    while i understand and accept your point of view trust is something that can be further looked at in this debate. for example – i know parents that trust their kids implicitly but have disagreed on their choice of partners… why? what do you there?

  3. But it’s not fair for parents to suddenly raise new criteria. Disagreeing with choice of partner for no valid reason then indicates that trust is lacking, although it seemed implicit previously.

    If the reason is valid then fair enough.
    But it really is a case by case basis. There are no black & white answers.

    Hope it all works out for you, & you find the answers you seek 🙂

  4. 🙂

    i love that ppl always think i write about what i’m going through 🙂

    inshallah i do find answers to my unpublished questions 🙂

    there’s so much that can be said on this topic – you’ve made a good point though – if there’s “new” criteria… then well you gotta question the whole relationship and again, its NOT a case of black and white.

    very tricky.

    looking forward to having kids! NOT.

  5. Fair enough-I also don’t like it when people assume I’m writing about myself 🙂

    I was looking for a way to contact you, would like to add on to what I said, but in an email, not in the comment section.
    So contact me if you’re interested in hearing more:-)

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