Things I Wish Didn’t Happen To Me

Since my illustration abilities are limited at best, I’ll just write down some things I wish didn’t happen to me.

For a more robust experience, check out The Oatmeal. He is awesome.

1. Suburban dwellers coming to shop in town. They cannot cross red lights and have no concept of other people occupying laneways. They will (I think purposely) walk directly into you causing you to have a momentary spaz out  to get out of their way.

2. Emo kids.

3. People who make a joke and follow it up with a robust laugh indicating required behaviour. If it’s really  funny, people will laugh irrespective of your cue.

4. People who feel nervous during a quiet lift journey and make jokes like:

“Lunch time rush” when the lift stops at consecutive floors during lunch hour.

5. People who feel the need to perpetuate the dude from number 4’s behaviour by following up his numb nut comment with an equally numb nut retort.

Example: “Too Right. Grand tour”

No I don’t know what that means either.

6. A comment/observation that is stating the obvious but is actually intetened to flatter the recipient of said  comment/observation.

Example: “You’re wearing green!”

7. Cubicle buddies that cannot make drink water without sounding like a camel taking in a gallon of milk.

8. Meetings booked during lunch.

9. Facebook tags.

10. Idiot clients who forget meeting times and what was discussed previously.

Client: You’ve written this in here. We don’t know what it means.
Me: I wrote that because you told me to.

There are SO many more. I’ll keep a running list. Feel free to add yours.


8 thoughts on “Things I Wish Didn’t Happen To Me

  1. I completely agree with number 1. The general rule for walking in crowded places is to stay on the right side, so you don’t end up walking into people coming the opposite direction. You don’t know how many people I see almost getting killed daily trying to cross the road.

    My own little thing I would like to add to the list is that I wish creepers weren’t attracted to me. Tell me why out of all the people on the bus the drunk lady chooses me to talk to?

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