Every time I pray…

Every time I bow my head in prayer and supplicate for those who can’t defend themselves, the oppressed, I end up reverting to supplicating for myself. Because when I reflect on the condition of the defenceless, I wonder if God will ask me about them. I wonder if when I’m taken to account for everything I didn’t do, if my total lack of effort will become my noose. So I weep in my prayer begging the Merciful to remove the current state of the world from my scales.

Marriage Part 15 – The Illusion

How sad to heave all your problems on an external entity for resolution. The reason we never consider, discuss or address issues like mental illness or personal happiness and our purpose in life is because we deem these all to be addressed through Marriage. I’ve wondered for a long time why that is. And today I think I’ve realised that it’s because we’ve given our power away. We have accepted that the answers do not lie within us they lie elsewhere. And so we created a modified narrative for life and we put all our hopes and dreams there. And we never stop to check if it’s actually even coming true. It’s been so long that we’ve been building our hopes that we’ve now started feeling supported by our own make believe. We rest on our own dreams and when they become nightmares we simply turn over and start a new one.

Elusive Forever

I’m looking for something that doesn’t exist. I don’t see it around me, I don’t think I’ve met anyone with it. So how did the idea and it’s exact execution get into my head? Why do I see it play out as the constant alternative ending to every interaction and every exchange? I need to work this out.

Sunshine and Fear

The rays of the sun reach out into infinity touching every corner of every crevice around me. There’s not a thing that can be spared this heat, there’s no sorrow that would be brave enough to compete.

In the sun I’m free from the mess of memories your picture resurrects. I am occupied only by thoughts of taking cover. The shade casts light on the thoughts I’ve been battling with for a while.

When, why and how much longer?

The sun lights up the day but it casts deep strong shadows too. In every thing light, a darkness lingers. I want to be left alone.

people

connection, fleeting or permanent
a meeting of heart or mind
 recognition, of yourself in another
 you see how your behaviour manifests
affection, overwhelming, overbearing
weakening your defences with every blow
 acceptance, deep and eternal
 caressing your every wound  

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